“If you don’t have a dream, how are you going make a dream come true?” This very steep grand staircase was built to transfer building materials to build a dream. Created by Spanish immigrant Jose Paronella. His dream was to build a castle inspired by the Catalonian castles, he built the castle and gardens for the pleasure and enjoyment of the public. It was powered by its own hydroelectric plant and locals came from all around to see movies and eat ice cream, this was big at the time for the area and was a popular place in war time for our soldiers to enjoy. I visited Paronella Park recently while on holiday in Queensland. It is now a ruin and the current owners are doing what they can to preserve and to continue Jose’s dream. The story prompted me to think about the resilience of this man, an immigrant with a sense of purpose who would have met many challenges such as fire, storm and flood along the way. He stuck at it. So, what is required to strengthen our resilience? Positive Emotion Dialling up a positive outlook, practicing kindness, practicing gratitude and savouring the good times. Engagement Discovering and working with your strengths (the things you are good at and come easily to you. Having a sense of curiosity and playfulness and being mindful. Relationships These have significant impact on our lives and ultimately what help us to feel loved, valued and supported. Meaning Having a sense of what we do is worthwhile and of value to something greater than ourselves. Accomplishment Setting achievable goals, maintaining grit to persevere and a growth mindset and embracing stress as an opportunity to learn and grow. Health Taking care of the physical self with exercise, nutrition and sleep. Developing a strategy utilising these pillars of mental and physical wellbeing help us to build strength and resources to better deal with life’s twists and turns. This is based on Professor Martin Seligman's foundations for wellbeing otherwise known as PERMAH. If you would like some help in building your wellbeing strategy, please contact me. I would love to help. Are you wanting to continue to build your mindfulness practice? Register your interest for my upcoming weekly sessions, each week will have a new topic. Like my Facebook Page to join in conversation and get extra tips and information to help you live and work well. Wishing you Wellbeing Regards Leanne
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My mind just doesn’t work. I have come to understand that when this happens I need to STOP and ASSESS what is actually going on for me. Usually, it’s that I have a million things going on in my mind and I am operating on overload. It happened earlier this year when my dad had a serious accident. With any traumatic event, at the onset, it feels very overwhelming. In my experience I was flooded with concern for my dad, for my mum, for their business, for their welfare, for their mental health, their ability to understand the situation……….. the list goes on and on. I was totally absorbed in taking care of the situation. As the eldest I also saw it as my responsibility to take care of the situation, not that it was, this was a self-imposed pressure. As well as all of this, I was updating family on Dads progress and I was researching and investigating all that I could to help me understand the situation. I was going to work trying to show up to a stressful and demanding job. When all of this is going on, something has to give and eventually it will. I was at the hospital first thing in the morning to catch the Doctors, going to work and then going back to the hospital where I would stay until late. At work I was trying to find time to call services and felt a pressure in doing this being away from my desk and often on hold. I was getting it done, but it was doing me in. Here’s the thing, no one is immune to the affects of stress. The moment of realisation came for me after Dad was transferred to another hospital for recovery. As I was walking out of the ward two wardens were wheeling a deceased person toward me. I came face to face with the reality that we are not invincible. My mind got busy with what ifs and a sadness for the family of that person. I caught myself out thinking this and felt like I had it under control. But I didn’t. I got to the car and bawled my eyes out. I was exhausted, not taking care of my self properly and not listening to the messages that were arriving in me, like the bubbling of anxiety under my skin and in my chest, the inability to concentrate. Our minds are great at catastrophizing and mine was doing some of its best work. Sometimes even the most prepared or “intune” person misses the message. And this is ok. Different things affect us in different ways. Although I missed the message, the impact of the experience was less. With an understanding of what was going on for me. I took the time to assess my Body, Emotions and Thoughts. I then chose how I would Act next. This process is referred to as B.E.T.A. I recognised what I was feeling in my body, I understood I was fatigued and I was emotional because my thinking was on auto pilot catastrophizing and this was a symptom of the stress. when we take care of others we often don’t talk about how we are feeling, we stay strong for them and forget about ourselves. It’s what we do. This is what I did next
A word of caution on alcohol consumption. A few wines with friends turned me into a blubbering mess. Alcohol is a is a depressant, it stimulates the central nervous system. It is not a bandaid to lift our mood, in my case it heightened my emotions. Through regular practice of mindfulness, I understood what was happening to my mind and body and I knew what would help me to get on the road to recovery. Mindfulness helps us to build an understanding of our thought processes in challenging times and an awareness of the stress we experience. With out this understanding I know the experience would have been much different. It wasn’t too long before I felt like I was functional again. I just needed to be kind to myself. How do you practice self care? Wishing you wellbeing. Leanne Become a member of the Facebook Group to join in conversation and get extra tips and information to help you live and work well. Notice that lady, the one without the phone? See her face, you can really see that she is in the moment, really enjoying the experience. Now notice everyone else? All on their phones trying to get the perfect picture, absorbed in trying to get the perfect moment before it passes. Just contemplate what you see for a moment. According to Deloites Mobile Consumer Survey 2017, 88% of Australians own smartphones and you might be surprised to learn that its not all young ones influencing this. The older generation or “Silver Surfers” as referred to in the Survey are significantly growing in their usage. How many times do you pick up your phone per day? Research suggests we are looking at our phones on average 35 time per day. Think about that for a minute. The 2017 Sensis Social Media Report shared that those aged between 18 to 29 are most likely to access social media first thing in the morning, last thing at night, at work and even on the toilet. Most people own up to 3 devices that connect to the internet. And we are on one of them pretty much all of the time. We can’t bare being separated from our phones, we are addicted and there is even a term for it. Nomophobia. The Oxford Dictionary meaning of Nomophobia is - anxiety caused by being without one's mobile phone. We feel disconnected without them. These devices sap our energy, every time we get a notification or check an email or scroll through social media, we have become obsessed. This affects our quality of sleep, our relationships, our time management, anxiety levels and is a common cause of neck and back pain. More and more we are noticing people become majorly distracted. According to psychotherapist Tom Kersting, “the average person spends nine hours per day, seven days per week staring into highly stimulating devices, their brains get messed up". I raise my hand as one of these people, I down loaded the App RealizD to test my usage and I was shocked to learn just how many times per day I picked up my phone and how much time I was spending on it. – I'm working on this. So how can we manage this?
Just try one of these tips, choose your time to do it and when you do, notice how you feel, what do you notice about the quality of experience and your quality of time. Then try another, and another. Give it a chance. It might not be easy but give it a go. This is something I am working on too. Share with me what you try, let me know how you find the exercise. “Reality is something you rise above"– Liza Minelli As I began my first week of redundancy, the feeling I had on Monday morning was familiar. I had experienced this before in a different context after a family member died who I had been caring for over several years. I likened that feeling to a tiger in the cage with the door wide open, free and unsure of what direction to take. Although very different experiences, the reality is that they were both life changing events. With both, I thought I knew clearly what I would do in this situation, but the reality and the fantasy are two different things, and this is where it gets a little scary. You see, all of a sudden, I need to be real, I need to be strategic, I need to have direction and a plan. My thinking on Monday morning was, rise and shine and get to it. I had exercise planned, and an action plan for the day. But mother nature had other ideas and I ended up unwell with the dreaded cold. Thanks Mother Nature – no really … Thank you. Thank you because this allowed a pause for me to assess where I was at, it allowed an opportunity for self-care such as rest and a bit of time for me. My brain had become cluttered with - What next? I felt agitated and a sense of urgency to make everything happen. Jobs I had started applying are coming back unsuccessful, I don’t even have to open them when I see the words “on this occasion” in the first part of the email and this adds weight to how I feel. Rejection even when we expect it, challenges our thinking and our self confidence. I remind myself that I’m not even a week in to redundancy. There is time. But there is that feeling of wanting to see a result. Again, I remind myself that it is only early days. The reality is that all of this takes time and within the experience there is opportunity to learn and grow. It is important for me to understand this and accept that it is going to take time. So, with a wellbeing cap on, how would I look at this, what advice would I give to a friend?
These tips are based on the GREAT DREAM 10 Keys for Happier Living by Action For Happiness. Down load it and share it with someone you care about. Wishing you Wellbeing Leanne |
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