Notice that lady, the one without the phone?
See her face, you can really see that she is in the moment, really enjoying the experience.
Now notice everyone else? All on their phones trying to get the perfect picture, absorbed in trying to get the perfect moment before it passes.
Just contemplate what you see for a moment.
According to Deloites Mobile Consumer Survey 2017, 88% of Australians own smartphones and you might be surprised to learn that its not all young ones influencing this. The older generation or “Silver Surfers” as referred to in the Survey are significantly growing in their usage.
How many times do you pick up your phone per day? Research suggests we are looking at our phones on average 35 time per day. Think about that for a minute.
The 2017 Sensis Social Media Report shared that those aged between 18 to 29 are most likely to access social media first thing in the morning, last thing at night, at work and even on the toilet.
Most people own up to 3 devices that connect to the internet. And we are on one of them pretty much all of the time.
We can’t bare being separated from our phones, we are addicted and there is even a term for it.
The Oxford Dictionary meaning of Nomophobia is - anxiety caused by being without one's mobile phone. We feel disconnected without them.
These devices sap our energy, every time we get a notification or check an email or scroll through social media, we have become obsessed. This affects our quality of sleep, our relationships, our time management, anxiety levels and is a common cause of neck and back pain.
More and more we are noticing people become majorly distracted. According to psychotherapist Tom Kersting, “the average person spends nine hours per day, seven days per week staring into highly stimulating devices, their brains get messed up".
I raise my hand as one of these people, I down loaded the App RealizD to test my usage and I was shocked to learn just how many times per day I picked up my phone and how much time I was spending on it. – I'm working on this.
So how can we manage this?
Just try one of these tips, choose your time to do it and when you do, notice how you feel, what do you notice about the quality of experience and your quality of time. Then try another, and another.
Give it a chance. It might not be easy but give it a go. This is something I am working on too.
Share with me what you try, let me know how you find the exercise.
“Reality is something you rise above"– Liza Minelli
As I began my first week of redundancy, the feeling I had on Monday morning was familiar.
I had experienced this before in a different context after a family member died who I had been caring for over several years.
I likened that feeling to a tiger in the cage with the door wide open, free and unsure of what direction to take.
Although very different experiences, the reality is that they were both life changing events. With both, I thought I knew clearly what I would do in this situation, but the reality and the fantasy are two different things, and this is where it gets a little scary.
You see, all of a sudden, I need to be real, I need to be strategic, I need to have direction and a plan.
My thinking on Monday morning was, rise and shine and get to it. I had exercise planned, and an action plan for the day.
But mother nature had other ideas and I ended up unwell with the dreaded cold.
Thanks Mother Nature – no really … Thank you.
Thank you because this allowed a pause for me to assess where I was at, it allowed an opportunity for self-care such as rest and a bit of time for me.
My brain had become cluttered with - What next? I felt agitated and a sense of urgency to make everything happen.
Jobs I had started applying are coming back unsuccessful, I don’t even have to open them when I see the words “on this occasion” in the first part of the email and this adds weight to how I feel. Rejection even when we expect it, challenges our thinking and our self confidence.
I remind myself that I’m not even a week in to redundancy. There is time. But there is that feeling of wanting to see a result.
Again, I remind myself that it is only early days.
The reality is that all of this takes time and within the experience there is opportunity to learn and grow. It is important for me to understand this and accept that it is going to take time.
So, with a wellbeing cap on, how would I look at this, what advice would I give to a friend?
These tips are based on the GREAT DREAM 10 Keys for Happier Living by Action For Happiness. Down load it and share it with someone you care about.
Wishing you Wellbeing
Photo Credit - John Michael Morgan
“It is time” – Rafiki, Lion King
This week redundancy is knocking at my door.
Yes… I knew it was coming at some point, I had a Plan B, but thinking I had time I wasn’t in a hurry to take action.
Once I heard the words redundancy I didn’t hear anything else, I was taken by surprise. I had the option to go home and I chose to take it. I was emotional, and I was quite surprised by this reaction. I was emotional about being emotional.
I will admit before going back to my desk I took a moment in the bathroom to compose myself, being self-aware, I knew I had to let it out or it would bubble inside of me. Once I felt right, I put my smile back on, went back to my desk and then I went home.
What I want you to know about this experience is that no matter how prepared you think you might be for this, it finds a way to come at you from another angle, one you didn’t expect and weren’t ready for.
There definitely was a process I went through, it was surprise, I was confused, then it was anger and then fear. My financials ran through my mind, my family’s welfare, and my age all these things were running through my mind.
I recognised that my mind was running a little out of control. I reminded myself that this is a normal response for this experience.
STOP! …… Thinking this word or saying it helps to create a mind shift, taking some breaths provides a cushion for the mind to rest, this is the opportunity to assess.
I assessed that I was in shock, I was scared, I was surprised and concerned.
By recognising and naming what was happening it took the severity of the impact away and I was able to make some decisions about my actions going forward.
I chose to allow myself to be upset, to greet any emotion, or thought that came up and accept it as a normal part of the process. I spoke with my family and friends who were a great support; it is helpful and important to talk it out.
I liken the experience to a roller coaster ride of highs and lows.
The next day I felt I had come to terms with the situation. I asked myself the question what next, what did I have to do next? That positivity somehow grew into overwhelm and by the next day I was angry.
I reminded myself that these feelings are normal and that it was ok to feel this way.
I also reminded myself was its not personal this is a normal process for my current work situation.
When you are feeling vulnerable, it is easy to get caught up in other people’s views or opinions and to concoct ideas about the situation. When this happens ask yourself – is this true? Take a moment to assess the reality.
Redundancy is normality in our work environment, I reminded myself of this.
By talking to others, I uncovered that other people had experienced redundancy before, I asked them how they handled the process. I drew on their experience. This was of great comfort as I realised more and more, what I was feeling was normal. And most importantly people survived and grew from the experience.
What is also normal is to feel a little isolated as the people around you also come to terms with the situation, they too go through the same process as the ones staying.
“Redundancy is normal. It happens. But it’s hard to stomach. More than one in four Australians (26%) have had the redundancy axe fall on them at some point in their working lives. More than half the population (58%) either know someone who has been through redundancy or have been themselves”. Seek, The honest truth about redundancy
So what next……..
Opportunity has its arms wide open, calling me and as strange as this may sound I find an excitement in this. I don’t know exactly what next, but what I do know is that I am more passionate than ever about the wellbeing of others.
I live by the motto, regret what you have done, not what you didn’t do. So as scary as it may seem, I’m excited by it.
I have felt overwhelmed over the last couple of weeks as word has got around. Overwhelmed because I didn’t realise just how much people were listening as I shared my insights and knowledge on workplace wellbeing.
I am looking forward to seeing what the new chapter brings.
Wishing you wellbeing
When I consider the biggest lessons I have learned in life they have been at the times that have provided me with great discomfort. And it has been an opportunity to come out the other side with clarity and understanding.
The fact is that life is always throwing us curve balls whether it be redundancy, a life changing accident, divorce or death. Whatever it is, there is always something to grow from.
20 years ago, I would not have been able to write this, I was on the other side of having cared for a family member for 9 years, my marriage fell to pieces, I become a single mother and I was feeling shame and embarrassment. For several years I was bitter and angry, I felt horrible, I felt incredibly sad and this manifested into panic attacks and anxiety. This was a time of life I was forced to face some pretty ugly demons.
I now look back on this time with gratitude because today I am better for lessons I learned. This has not been my only challenge in life and each time life throws something difficult my way I have learned to greet it, to welcome it and accept the lesson I will learn. I’m not going to lie, it’s not always easy, my God, it can be so so painful and of course these experiences always catch us off guard.
Here are some things that I have learned that are useful.
VIA Character Strengths
Sherly Sandberg Option B
Mood Metre App
YouTube funny videos
Action for Happiness